Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Odds and Sods

Odds and sods.
Mary Queen of England claimed they would find  "Calais" engraved on her heart when she died. I will have a vehicle registration plate engraved on my backside. The closer I get to London the scarier the roads get, and the determination of car drivers to clip me as close as they can, is deeply depressing.
But I have a theory. It is very elegant and mathematical, the registration of the car that finally imprints its number plate in my body can be found by a simple mathematical formula. 10 to 1, it is an 01 plate, 9 to 1, 02, 8's 03, 7's 04, 6's 05, 5's 06, 4's 07, 3's 08, 2's 09 and evens on a 10 plate, I am assuming the 60 plate owners don't want gore over their flashy new toy, so I haven't figured out their exact  odds,
Terminal letter plates are out in the 25 to one zone. But I must make it clear this excludes boy racers, who almost always slow down, bikers whose manners are really good, delivery drivers, especially Jewson's, but almost all delivery drivers are courteous.Travellers, scrap dealers and hippies are fine, bus drivers, consistently well mannered, so who are the killers?
Late registration, nice clean respectable cars driven by the sort of people who end up as magistrates and Justices of the Peace. The guy who quite deliberately drove into me was a model of an upright citizen, apart from his belief that the fact that ponies are slow entitled him to drive his car into me. I thought he was a weirdo, but I was wrong. The rich comfortable car drivers are so insulated, they think anything that delays their journey should be eliminated. Which is why I know who will finally get me.
The only absolute rule is that to hit Obama, they have to drive through me.It is depressing the amount of time I spend stepping into the path of speeding cars to make this point absolutely clear to them. I will continue this rant on the way cars have destroyed our country at a later date. I just wanted to share this mathematical insight..

To see some of my marginally more organised rants, try these links. If all else fails, try hitting them with whips. It works with horses, doesn't it?

1 comment:

Killi said...

When I walk the horses on the more main roads than our main road (single track!) to the village, my traffic hating huge dog deliberately walks on the wrong side of the road & stops if a car is going faster than he approves of & looks the driver straight in the eye. Once the driver stops the car, he moves. It must be quite frightening to be stared down by a tall, regal dog in "your" lane of the road in front of the owner! You can hardly run over the dog as it would possibly mean freaking out heavy horses. Without the horses, he's absolutely terrified of moving vehicles on the road & will run to get behind them, whichever direction they are travelling in.