Sex rears its ugly head.

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Sex rears its ugly head.

Now that's a phrase you can only write in human. Sex doesn't have an ugly head in the horse world. But once you humans get involved it can get very nasty indeed. I am afraid this next bit isn't going to be suitable reading for foals, human or horse, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Black Beauty doesn't mention sex, so why have I even started on the subject. Black Beauty doesn't mention defecation either, but you don't get witty reviewers pointing out that Black Beauty would have had a shit every so often, but every school kid who reviews Black Beauty points out that he describes himself as a colt and he would have been a gelding. They cut my balls off as well. Do you expect me to be pleased, grateful, leap around the field saying, “I haven't got any balls.”?

I can just see one of your modern journalists coming up to Beauty straight after castration, shoving a microphone in his face and asking “So how do you feel leaving your balls in the bin.” They'd have done the same to Duchess wouldn't they, that day the hunt came through our field, “Hey Duchess, how does it feel watching your son having his brains blown out. Our readers really want to know.” Well on the subject of my balls, just come and ask me, if you have the balls.

Simon quotes his brother on the subject of Natural Horsemanship saying that there is no natural behaviour pattern for a gelding. Oh yes there is. You find the bastard who cut your balls off and you rip his off.

Anna Sewell was a product of her generation, writing for her generation. Fornication and defecation weren't going to get mentioned, not if she wanted Beauty's words published, which she did. But maybe, if the topics had been allowed, she might have fought to allow us to have a crap in peace. You do, thank God, let us piss in peace, but for some reason we are expected to crap on the move. Why? I don't see people ambling down the street leaving a trail of shit behind them and all over their legs. Give us a break, are you really in that much of a hurry?

But back to sex. Leaving my balls on one side, just like the vet did, you really do your best to make everything we do, just as nasty as possible. Is that why we have to walk down the streets crapping on our legs, because it matches the sexual practices you force on us.

Read the books on mating for horses, the things you do to us. The twitches you twist round the poor girls nose, or ear, the way you tie one of of her legs up, and haul her tail to one side so a complete stranger can rape her. Is this normal for you lot. It takes about seven of you to screw up what two of us can do if we are left alone in a field. And you have the nerve to call the result well bred.

Christmas is coming so I'll just mention Caslick's in passing. female genital mutilation is one of those things you are apparently trying to outlaw. Read Simon's rant,Dog breeders bad, horse breeders good.  

There's a lot of money forcing incest on us. And the breeders are coining it in, but it is a con, which intelligent people should have noticed, and I, a horse can prove it.

In 1933 the winning time for the EpsomDerby was 2 minutes 33. That was only beaten in 1967 and then again in 1987. It wasn't beaten in 2011.

So all these incredibly brilliant breeders forcing the most unnatural practice of incest on the horses in their care have in 78 years achieved approximately stuff all. How much have the breeders charged for their expertise over all those years? And Caslick's has gone from occasional corrective surgery to normal practice. So the breeders have managed no improvement in speed but a 10,000% increase in female genital mutilation. What were they trying to do? On second thoughts, do I really want to know?

Read Steve Jones, “the Language of the Genes”, or “In the Blood” and try to find one good reason for inbreeding. And don't say to win races. It is absolutely clear that incest is doing nothing to improve the speed of the horse. It is all about selling a sick fantasy about breeds, breeding, well bred....... it is a desperate attempt to gain social class through your pet. The Fell Pony foals who die of diarrhoea (labelled Fell Foal Syndrome until some salesman for Fell ponies got it renamed) because of this fantasy must really think it is all worth it. The Thoroughbred mares must love the idea that Caslick's is all about status. What a tiny sacrifice they make for their owner to be held in high regard.

In the wild we avoid incest. Check the research done on Przewalski's, (and I can assure you that isn't how any horse would spell his name) and you will find that wild herds are MORE unrelated than random chance would suggest.

Incest is a crime in most of the world. Put up a comment on this blog to explain to a dumb animal why it is such a good idea of us.